marriage minute | guest post

| This week's Marriage Minute features a guest post written by my husband Dustin |

Adam said to God, “When you created Eve, why did you make her body so curvy and tender, unlike mine?”

God replied, “ I did that, Adam, so that you could love her.”

“And why,” asked Adam, “did you give her long, shiny beautiful hair, but not me?”

“So that you could love her,” answered God.

“Then why did you make her so stupid?” asked Adam. “Certainly not so that I could love her?”

“No, Adam,” said God. “I did that so that she could love you.”

I think that joke hits to the core of the differences between men and women and speaks a lot of truth, especially the very last line, don’t you agree? Even though I’m a man, I totally buy that last statement! The joke begs the question, why are men and women so different? For the record, yes, Eve was tempted and ate from the tree. However, what was Adam doing that whole time? Standing on the sidelines watching the whole thing happen! Had Adam done what he -- and all men -- are called to do [cultivate and protect and guard], i.e. “manned up,” I can confidently say that the whole world would be completely different, Amen?!

I’m writing to express some of my findings on why I think God, the Creator of Heaven and Earth, perfect in every way and in everything, Whose ways are not our ways (thankfully), has made men and women so differently. Hopefully this leads you to believe it was not because He has a grand sense of humor and gets a kick out of the frustrations we tend to face with the opposite sex, but to realize the benefits and help us all to appreciate and embrace the differences between each other.

| to make us less selfish |

God knows the nature of humans better than we do. I feel the biggest pitfall we share the most as human beings is selfishness. “Almost every sinful action ever committed can be traced back to a selfish motive. It is a trait we hate in other people but justify in ourselves.” -Stephen Kendrick. How true. What breaks selfish behavior? Having (daily) opportunities to be selfless: chances to listen, times to put your needs last, cases to put yourself in someone else’s shoes. If we were exactly the same, there wouldn’t be a call to listen, put yourself last, or try to empathize much if at all; we’d be mind readers never knowing what it takes and what pleasure comes from dying to yourself and giving someone else what they need or want. 

Esther Hicks wrote, “The greatest gift you can ever give another person is your own happiness.” God making men and women strikingly different and not making us want the same, need the same, express the same, or love the same, protects us from concentrating on ourselves. He purposefully places specific differences that challenge men to be selfless and sacrificial where He wants us to be and vice versa for women. How awesome of Him!

| to make us stronger |

The science behind strength training is simple: micro-tears to the muscle(s) being trained are repaired and rebuilt stronger. But to achieve more strength over time, you have to continually be making your routine different, thus avoiding plateaus and minimal (to no) results. If I always went to the gym and did the same thing every time, only a handful of muscles would be getting strengthened. There are over 600 muscles in the body. I would eventually start to appear disproportionate if I did not face differences in my workouts. I believe because men and women have so many differences, just like changing up a workout regimen, they can only make our character stronger. If we were all the same, life would be a one-dimensional workout. Life’s about becoming better, becoming more like Jesus, right? What lifting weights does to our bodies, differences between men and women do to our character --help grow and stretch and better ourselves.

| for intimacy |

Men and women are different in a lot of ways but most noticeably in how we are made physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Coincidence? I don’t think so. Those three areas are where intimacy is made, built, and found. Because I’m so different from Megan in these areas, there are never ending scenarios of intimacy. The combinations are countless. Our physical, emotional & spiritual intimacy will never hit a wall; it can never reach too high. The sky is the limit.  “Being intimate involves the mixing of our life with another's, a mingling of souls, a sharing of hearts. This is something we all long for because it's how God made us. We were designed to connect.”

Real intimacy makes us feel alive -- like we've been found, as if someone finally took the time to peer into the depths of our soul and really see us there. Until then, until we experience true intimacy, we will feel passed over and ignored, like someone is looking right through us. You can only get so far with someone of the same gender. I will never fully encounter the wealth of intimacy I share with Megan, not just because she is my wife, but also because she is a woman and I am a man.

| to humble us |

Humbleness and humility are referenced numerously throughout the Word of God (Romans 12:3). They are two of the most notable characteristics to describe Jesus. In the amplified, Philippians 2:8 states that, “And after He had appeared in human form, He abased and humbled Himself (still further)…” I think that’s worth noting. I know I used to think I was more than capable, or that I didn’t really ever need help, or that I could do anything. Marriage, and being in such close quarters with someone who is different than me in a lot of ways, has shown me that I lack a lot! Megan is so much better than me at so many things. Being a woman, she was wired with skills, talents, and attributes that aren’t second nature to me. Her strengths make me realize where I am weak. My weaknesses prove to me how desperate we all are for help. For it was said, “Those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.” We pair together perfectly, however, because she can help me through my weaknesses (because of her strengths) and I can do the same for her. It also benefits us in raising Olivia, because we are strong in different areas when it comes to parenting, but still keeps us humble because we find ourselves depending on the other for their specific skills that we lack. 

So the next time you feel at odds with your spouse and wonder why the two of you seem to be total opposites, remember that God has a perfect plan -- a perfect design for marriage, and through His design, we can achieve selflessness, strength, intimacy & humility in the most creative and memorable ways possible, alongside the person we were blessed enough to marry.