broken, not shaken.

On Monday morning, a beautiful care package arrived on my front steps from a dear friend -- filled with cocoa, a candle, journals, a blanket and a letter. I sit wrapped up in the beautiful blanket now as I write this, and this post has been on my heart since last weekend and I am now just finding the right words.


In the end of September, we received word that my husband's Dad - my father in law - had gone missing. He was suffering from severe depression since the death of my husband's older brother last November {2013}. I truly cannot imagine the pain of losing a child, and our hearts broke when we heard the news, knowing he had been carrying the weight of that loss of his oldest son for almost a year. We kept up hope and spent time in prayer for revelation as to where he may have gone, but two weeks later, he was found after having taken his own life. Watching Dustin lose his father ... knowing he had lost all hope and felt he couldn't continue on living...the pain was almost more than my heart could take. Indescribable. But all we could do was take it day by day and walk through it together, trusting that God would work it all together for good even though none of it made sense to us.

The funeral came and went, a few weeks passed and while life certainly wasn't back to normal, we were doing our best to keep our heads up and surrounding ourselves with our closest family and best friends, seeking peace and moving forward.

Then, last weekend on Saturday night, we received a call that my cousin had been in a car accident, along with her two young children, and was in very critical condition. That same night, she passed away from her injuries. The next day, her beautiful 6 year old daughter passed away from hers, while her son remains in critical condition.


How is there even a way to explain the heartbreak over the past two months within our families? The reality is ... there just isn't. There are so many people who are mourning over all 3 of these sudden, tragic deaths. There are 3 people who left much too soon, who still had full lives to live. And my heart is still so broken; I cannot fathom the pain everyone else is feeling, knowing the pain I'm feeling. But through all of this, the phrase 'broken, not shaken' has continued to play through my mind. There is a song that says, 'When I am broken, You are not shaken; God You are faithful.'

'In the valley of the shadow of death
If I'm with you, I will not be afraid..
You are hope for the hurting heart
You are rest to the weary soul
When I am broken, You are not shaken;
Through trial, pain and fears
You keep count of all my tears
When I am broken, You are not shaken
Lord, You are faithful
God, You are faithful'

None of this came as a surprise to God, even though it did to us. In a hundred years I could never have imagined that within one year's time, 4 people in our family would be gone... 2 from each side and all very suddenly. I could never have envisioned so many funerals and all around the holidays. But God knew. And God is faithful. And while these tragedies have the Enemy's fingerprints all over them, God will turn these ashes into something beautiful. I have witnessed first hand His faithfulness through it all. Seeing as friends deliver meals, gifts and flowers; receiving countless texts, phone calls, and messages of all kinds. Opening packages, reading cards and letters ... each and every one reminding us that we are being thought of, prayed for, and remembered. I think when someone walks through a tragedy, one desire is just that they are recognized. That someone takes a moment out of their own day to say, "I'm here for you. I can't imagine what you are going through. And I am praying for your family." To know that others acknowledge the grief we are feeling and that our pain isn't brushed off. 

All this to say, God is faithful. He has blessed us in so many magnificent ways through prayer, through people and through his Word and supernatural revelation. We may be broken, but God is not shaken. And that is so comforting to my hurting heart.


Finally, as we approach the holidays and begin with the celebration of Thanksgiving tomorrow, despite the tragedies, our family has so very much to be thankful for. 

We are thankful for every single person who has stood by us, whether in person or in spirit. For every single prayer. For every comforting word. For everyone who has listened, come over, offered their time, resources, energy, and love. For everyone who has reached out, from near and far. For everyone who has sent anything, and for those who have acknowledged us or our families and what we are going through. 

I am thankful for my own family, knowing that every day truly is a gift. 
I am thankful that when I am broken, God is not shaken. 
I am thankful that God will make beauty from these ashes.
I am thankful that God hears the cries of our hearts and our broken hallelujahs. 


  1. i think your cousin is the same person my friend was talking about on Facebook, with jazzy? my heart goes out to your family dear. so heavily suicide weighs on my heart and it is a hard thing to ever come to understand. if not impossible. i am glad that you all have each other to lean on during these tough times, and i hope that you will all find some peace over the holidays. praying for you and loving you. xxo

  2. So so sorry to hear about what your family has been through these past few months. My heart goes out to you all, sending lots of healing thought and prayers your way xoxo

  3. So, so sorry to hear about all the pain that your family has been through in these past couple of months. My thoughts are with you and your family as you heal.

  4. This is a beautiful post. I am so happy you have faith and hope. I love 'broken, not shaken'. I will pray for your family tonight. Take care.

  5. Been thinking of you dearest. I know the holidays won't be the easiest for your family this year, but oh how sweet it is to know we have Jesus to give us peace.

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  7. Wow, I am praying for you and your loved ones! That has to be hard. I pray for God to put His loving arms around you all and to give you and your family peace.


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