the heart of my daughter

There are so many joys that come with having a daughter, but lately I have been reflecting on the goodness that Olivia embodies and how she is all the things I wish I could be and she is the better best version of me. 

I have always known this to be true in my heart but it wasn't until recently that I actually realized it in my head. You know, the heart and the head don't always communicate? 
Well, for once they finally did!

Olivia is a purer, more patient version of myself.
She is always optimistic and sees the world with unadulterated hope. 
She does not worry, she does not stress out, she does not ask questions. 
She is carefree, joyful and adventurous. 
She gives grace when it is needed, and believe me, I need it often.

She goes about her day and enjoys every moment. Whether she is awake or asleep, standing or sitting, eating or playing, laughing or crying...she is content, at peace. Even her cries are not stress-filled or demanding; she is just doing all she knows to express her most basic needs. 

Her beauty radiates from within her & she doesn't have to say a word to show the love she has for me or the love she has for life. 
Isn't that a wonderful quality to have? Your heart is so beautiful on the inside that you show love to others and a love for life without even speaking? 
That is who I want to be.

She is everything lovely all wrapped up in a bow. 

She is the person you always want to be around and you find yourself becoming a better person because of her. Not to compete with her or because you envy her, but because she inspires you. That is the person -- the woman, the Mama -- that I want to be. I want to inspire others -- especially my children -- to be the best they can be because I am living my life trying to be the best me I can be. 

I want to be everything she is. 

I want to be more patient. To learn what it means to slow down and to be present in each moment.
To not always be focused on what's next, what tomorrow brings, or what I need to "get ready" for, but to instead enjoy the now. I want to feel my life while I am living it; I don't just want to anticipate what's next and then miss it when it comes because I am focused on what comes after that. 

I want to be more carefree, more filled with joy no matter what I am doing. I want to rest in knowing that I am exactly where I need to be, the way she does. She does not grow anxious about tomorrow, or the future in general. 
She finds joy in today. 
I want to stress less, to stop worrying and to take whatever comes my way without fighting it and instead just embracing it.

I crave her spirit of adventure and her zest for life; her sense of discovery and curiosity, risk and reward. Even in her small body, her young life, she has shown how much she loves adventure, risk and excitement. She is always on the move, off to climb new heights. She is teaching me to go after what I want even if she is doing that on a much smaller scale. 

She is reminding me that without risk, there is no reward. 

Over the past few weeks, I have watched her learn to walk and to climb and I've also watched her fall. At times, she has fallen gracefully and other times, more abruptly. That simple experience of hers has taught me so much about how I want to live my life, knowing it is ok to fall. My falls, my failures, my shortcomings...they won't always be graceful; some will just be ugly. I am not perfect and my humanity shows. But if I don't reach out and learn to do something new, I won't ever have the opportunity to achieve new heights. She has unknowingly taught me that.

One of the best qualities she possesses? She is nonjudgmental. 
I think that is one we can all strive to be a bit more of. 

Whether I look beautiful or like a beautiful mess, she loves me. She reaches out for me and hugs me. She lights up when I walk into the room all the same no matter how I look or feel. 

Her attitude toward me is always one of love, because she doesn't know any other way. I desire to be nonjudgmental, always. Not just when life is good or when things go my way, or when I am feeling on top of the world. But to be consistently open-minded and put my judgements aside every single day. 
I want to know no other way but love. 

I want her heart, the heart of my daughter. 

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