breaking up with busy + finding rest

The other day was just one of those days. You know, the days you find yourself completely and utterly exhausted by noon? Yeah, one of those days.

The day started off as every normal day does.

I wake up. Olivia wakes up.

I eat breakfast. She eats breakfast.

I take a shower. She takes a bath.

I play with her. She smiles at me. We laugh with each other.

She naps. For a tenth-of-a-second I think about napping.

But instead, I eat a quick lunch.

And then I clean. And do some laundry. And answer emails. 

And do all that needs to be done around our home.

And so on. And on. And on.

By the time my husband got home from work, I pretty much needed to be peeled off the floor. Okay, so I wasn’t actually on the floor but I’m pretty sure if I had been I would’ve fallen asleep there. See, Olivia is so thoughtful in that she accommodates my schedule so well - that day she took almost a 4-hour nap. Too bad I didn't know she would, or I would have taken a 4-hour nap as well! But because she has recently transitioned to one nap a day, it is anywhere from 1-4 hours so I’m never quite sure what it will be. By 9pm, as I packed my husband's lunch and stood in the kitchen trying to have a conversation, I couldn't even finish my sentences. It was that kind of day.

And so, the problem I’ve been running into lately is that when Olivia rests, I don’t rest. When she stops her playing and moving, I don’t stop mine. When she goes down for her nap, I don’t nap. I think about napping but as soon as the thought enters my mind, I dismiss it simultaneously in favor of my to-do lists and daily goals and all that I think needs to be done.

Then at the end of the day, when the only word I could use to describe how I am feeling is complete and utter exhaustion, I think to myself: What is my problem?

OH YEAH. Busyness. That’s my problem.

I am always busy.

And matter of fact, I thrive on busy. I enjoy busy. I LOVE busy.

But our culture’s “glorification of busy” has become quite problematic. It is not healthy to be going-going-going 24-7. God did not design us that way. He wasn’t even that way. Even He rested after creating the heaven and the earth. He purposefully set aside a day of rest because he knew as humans we would struggle with busyness. But I am realizing, at the end of long days, that the busyness is a problem. Sure, I go to bed with the satisfaction of knowing my house is clean + organized, baby food is stocked in the freezer, all the laundry is folded + put away, and I've answered all the emails I've needed to. But is ANY of that the point of life? 

Believe me, I love a clean house, but there are so many more important things. 

Lately, God has been showing me that He wants me to rest. He calls me to stillness.

He wants me to stop moving. To sit down, to relax. And to be okay with relaxing. 

To be okay with not getting anything done some days. 

Because on those days where I do rest, I rest in Him. 

I find comfort in Him.

On the days where I rest, I don't substitute my busyness for my time with Him. 

I don't ever want to choose busyness over my Bible or my daily plans over my prayers.

Because at the end of this life, where will a clean house get you? 

What good will clean + folded laundry do? What purpose will a stocked freezer serve? 

So I am spending the rest of this month focusing on slowing down. 

On breaking up with busyness.

On choosing rest over my to-do lists.

On seeking Him more often and giving him my focus and attention when Olivia gives me a 4-hour nap to do so. Because everything that needs to get done will all get done, whether today or tomorrow, or maybe next week. And if it doesn't ever get done, that's okay too, because I'm a mom. And I'm learning that when you have the best job in the world, there isn't much more you could ask for.

Do you struggle with busyness? How have you learned to slow down? I'd love for you to share!